READ Books
Used Books & New Magazines

Summer 2008
Volume 9
 
“What shall I do with all my books?" was the question; and the answer, "Read them," sobered the questioner. But if you cannot read them, at any rate handle them and, as it were, fondle them. Peer into them. Let them fall open where they will... If they cannot enter the circle of your life, do not deny them at least a nod of recognition. ~Winston Churchill

MEMORY... MAMMORY! ARGH!... LANE

How's this month different from all other months? I read a book! Not just any book, but a book that was higher than a 1st grade reading level. Reading Frog & Toad to toddlers kicks a lot of ass, but reading a book where the narrator has Tourette's syndrome (see STAFF PICK below) kicks a lot of asser. 

Youthful exposure to this magnificent malady of tics, grunts, & shouts created a barely buried covetous wish in my mind: If I could be struck with one mental or physical disorder, what would it be? I've never considered anything but Tourette's.

A high school classmate, Sean Thomas, had a case of Tourette's consisting exclusively of tics & grunts that to my pleasure always went haywire during tests in Advanced Algebra. Sean would yelp a high-pitched: "Yip yip argh." Mr. McLaughlin would say: "Hey cut that out." Some kid would say, "He can't help it. He's got Tourette's." Mr. McLaughlin would grunt and scowl. Sean would yip yip argh tic. By the end of the semester, both student & teacher were ticcing their way through each cacphonous test. 

Sophmore year, Sean tried out for goalie on the soccer team. He was all focus and crouched readiness during the practice games, until the ball was kicked in the direction of his goal. Slave to his tics, Sean would yelp left or right, and either knock the shot away heroically, lunge in the opposite direction of the incoming ball, or absurdly (and loudly) leap out of the way of a shot that had been headed directly toward his intent figure. 

I was a film student in college. My roommate, who managed the university radio station, let me use the recording studio to mix a soundtrack. Opposite of the recording studio, visible through a thick layer of glass, a large dreadlocked man was d-jaying the Midnight Reggae Hour. As I immersed myself in magnetic tape and audio tracks, I heard him bark: "HEY! LITTLEPENIS! HEY!" I did not want to look through the glass at my accuser, because looking might lead to acting. Every 2-3 minutes this cycle would repeat itself. I mustered the courage to look up. In the place of large Reggae Man, sat short, fat, bespectacled Hebrew Man. He was on the air, apparently, talking into the mic. He put an album on the turtable, looked up at me and waved, his head jilted to the side, eyes blinked, and he shouted: "HEY! LITTLEPENIS! HEY!" 

My first introduction to campus celebrity, Saul Schwartzkoff, a disc jockey who never ticced on the air, but went berzerk off the air. It was amazing. The guy couldn't walk down a street without shouting HEY!, signalling his approach from blocks away. A normal conversation with a girl in a bar would be punctuated with bursts of HEY! (FEMALE ANATOMY!) HEY! But put a microphone in front of him, and Saul was unflappable. What a disease, said my twenty-year-old brain. Dangerous and liberating.

But then, there was Sean sitting in the school library, trying to read a book, while a couple of freshmen on the wrestling team whispered at a neighboring table: "Yip, yip. Hey kid. Yip yip." By the end of summer practices, Sean either quit the team, or he was cut. I don't remember what happened, but I remember he was gone. 

Saul received similar razzing at many of Iowa City's innumerable bars. But Saul was forever in possession of effective rejoinders. Whereas Sean was limited to tics and yelps that only served to further motivate his accosters, Saul would move toward his heckler until they were nose to nose, and shout at volume 11: "HEY! LITTLE PENIS! HEY!"

NEW SUMMER HOURS

Because we don't want our kids to ever write a book about their lonely childhood, READ Books will be closed on Mondays during the Summer. We will be spending these days at various Los Angeles cultural meccas, whispering sweet promises into our childrens' ears. We are not neglecting you. We do love you more than books, and we will never forget your names again.

 
Previous comedy nights have developed into a kind of diversely spiced mix-- a curry if you will... and you will-- with the flavor balanced between the expected and the unexpected, the reliable and the wild card, the stalwarts and the strangers, the shlemiels AND the shlamazels. 

We who attend every show anxiously await Jackie Kashian's monthly serial on her dad the putz; we are eager to witness the development of pre-teen comedy wiz Julian Axelrod; we are honored to bask in the heavenly aura of Maria Bamford's aptly daft impression of The All (un)Merciful Lord. At the June show, two young ladies read stories that would have been as enjoyable at a literary reading as they were at Comedy Night. And they were... enjoyable. Steve Benaquist connected all the dots with a hilarious set that included Rabelaisian observations culled from earlier sets. I'm not sure what Rabelaisian means, but I'm sure that Mr. Benaquist will have to live up to the description in subsequent shows.

Next Comedy Night: Wednesday July 9^th, 2008 @7:30

LOCAL SHOUT-OUTS

Experienced Book Editor  
Charlotte Hildebrand specializes in narrative non-fiction, as well as fiction. She can help you make your manuscript "book ready" for agent or publisher. If you're just getting started, she can help you develop, clarify and structure your narrative. Fees vary. References available. For more info, please contact:  lottobrand@hotmail.com 

Local Business o'-the-Month...
Eagle Rock Kyokushin Karate & Martial Arts
In the land of commercial martial arts schools, there is one dojo that does not covet your financial enrollment. The good folks at ER Kyokushin, specializing in youth self-defense, are looking to teach serious self-defense to those who are serious about learning. Stressing resourcefulness & toughness as a means to solving challenges, students learn about physical conditioning & mental fluidity. But this is not a class for the masses. Children are challenged to dig deep every session. This is not a class for those seeking the easiest path to black belt. It is for those who love to learn and appreciate that fighting is a challenge. And it only costs $50 per month.
www.eaglerockkarate.com

Happy Birthday to…

Velouria "Pixie" Perez, Dan "Sing Fool" Silverstein, Phelan "Action" Jackson, Kyle "Hitman" DiBiase

STAFF PICKS

Debbie
Consider this Senora by Harriet Doerr; Fiction… Four American expatriates move to a small Mexican village in an effort to escape their sullied pasts and create new lives for themselves. Doerr's prose evokes the geography of an unpredictable region of droughts & floods, and studies the behavior of these strange Americans through the perspective of the native people. The author, granddaughter of railroad magnate & noted book collector Henry Huntington, grew up in Pasadena and lived in a small Mexican mining town. She published her first novel at the age of 74, and this, her second novel, at the age of 83.
Steven
The Cricket in Times Square by George Selden; Young Adult… A country Connecticut cricket named Chester gets trapped in a picnic basket that is put on a train that ends up in the Times Square subway station in New York City. He meets a poor boy, a funny mouse, and a stern cat. Together they learn about friendship and how to solve problems. 
 Jeremy
Motherless Brooklyn, by Jonathan Lethem; Mystery… Lionel Essrog is (sort of) a detective who possesses my all-time favorite malady, Tourette's syndrome. If you've never met a person with Tourette's, it's high time you did. The condition manifests itself in facial tics, grunts, uncontrollable utterances, and in some instances a penchant for shouting out the most inappropriate words at strangers. As a teenager, Lionel is rescued from a lugubrious orphanage by mysterious Frank Minna, who molds Lionel and several other orphans into low end detectives. When Minna is killed, Lionel is compelled-- grunting, ticcing, & whooping-- to solve the case on his own. A sad, hilarious, edifying meditation on Tourette's, Motherless Brooklyn is also a brilliantly concocted mystery story.
Donald
Donald is on vacation. His mother will be responding to all of his fan mail. 
 
Past Recommendations 
Tender at the Bone by Ruth Reichl (Cooking Literature)
Bed Riddance by Ogden Nash (Poetry)
Kluge by Gary Marcus (Psychology)
Garfield Hogs the Spotlight by Jim Davis (Humor)
The Dreamers by Ricardo Vicente Reyes (Illustrated Folklore)
Fat City by Leonard Gardner (Fiction/Boxing)
Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card (Science Fiction/Young Adult)
 Stephen Biesty's Incredible Explosions by Richard Platt (Children Non-Fiction)
Fifth Business by Robertson Davies (Fiction)
Buffalo Nickel by Floyd Salas (Latino/Boxing/Autobiography)
Possession by A.S. Byatt (Fiction)
Anatole by Eve Titus (Children/Illustrated)  
Amulet of Samarkand by Jonathan Stroud (Young Adult/Science Fiction)
Santa's Little Helper by Anu Stohner (Children's Fiction)
Chester Himes; A Life by James Sallis (Biography)
Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee by Dee Brown (American History)
The Thorazine Mirrorball by Jack Maeby (Mystery)
If This Is A Man by Primo Levi (Holocaust)
The Pigman by Paul Zindel (Young Adult Fiction)
The Happy Hockey Family Moves to the Country by Lane Smith (Children's Fiction)

Eragon by Christopher Paolini (Young Adult Fantasy)

The Professional by W.C. Heinz (Fiction/Boxing)

Housekeeping by Marilynne Robinson (Fiction)

The Read Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease (Education)

The Cay by Theodore Taylor (Young Adult Fiction)

And Finally...
Please visit our WHAT'S NEW page to learn about our new FANTASY FICTION FIGHT LEAGUE, in which we will pit the toughest authors-- dead or alive-- against one another in a real (albeit fake) battle to determine who is THE SURLIEST AUTHOR ALIVE (or dead).